Baby, I wouldn't want to drive your car.

It's bad, I know, but I tend to watch a lot of TV. Even if it's just set on the Food Network on a Saturday while I'm making breakfast of getting ready. So I end up seeing a lot of commercials. And, boy, are they stupid. Especially the car ads.

One shows a woman on the phone saying she's nervous about blind dates but for her date to not show up.... Oh, he's there. Outside her apartment in his car with the lights out. Stalking her? First of all, the first rule of blind dates is that you don't tell strangers where you live. You meet at a public place. BUT maybe this girl did her research. Perhaps he's a close friend or relative of a friend of hers, and she's been assured he's not a crazy person. She's googled him and found nothing off-putting. But of course she can't see him, parked outside in his McAveragemobile. So he drives away. Hey jackass how about flashing the lights. Or, here's a thought. Get your bum ass out of the car and go up and ring the bell. Because ladies, if he can't even do that, God only knows what other strikes he has against him. Rest assured, you giggly bingo-loving lady, you probably dodged a bullet in that lazy Toyota driving dick. Now you're all dressed up, so call your friends, hit the clubs and strut your stuff. And I know. They got me. I know what car he’s driving. But that doesn’t make me want to run out and buy one. It makes them a little creepy.

In another one, an exhausted father comes stumbling up to his fancy mini van parked in his driveway and throws open the door to show two little kids, watching a DVD while playing cards. In a running vehicle. Parked in the driveway. The air conditioning cooling them on the beautiful sunny day. He's so happy to have finished a tree house for them. But it doesn't have leather seats. Or a DVD player. Or the everlasting battery this van apparently has where it can be left parked and running in the driveway all to live long day. Maybe it runs on fresh air and sunshine, instead of over-priced gasoline. The kids say they are fine in the van. The scene cuts before we see the dad grab the ungrateful brats by their hair and toss them into the yard on their lazy asses.

Or is that just the version I would film?