Person I want to punch: Keenan the weatherman. He’s far too perky about the heat.
Damn, that woman is sitting way to far forward. If the airbag were to go off, her head would explode like an over-ripe cantaloupe.
CNN is reporting that for every 100 single women, there are 88 single men. What they don’t say is that of those 88, 10% are decent, 20% are gay, 15% actually have a girlfriend and 55% are total douche bags, because they know the odds are in their favor.
When I ask for a picture of candy bars, don’t send me a picture of cupcakes. It’s not the same, and no it’s not okay.
Like my friend Stanchez, I too am tired of hoes.
My cat uses her litter box every single time she needs to go, and always has. Trust me when I say that’s awesome, but not awesome enough to ever be my Facebook status.
