Wonder Twin Powers Activate

Form of:
Someone thinner with better hair.

Well, there's not much I can do about the hair. It's big and curly/frizzy. Any shorter and it would look like a mushroom cap. Longer and the curl gets pulled out. It's got a mind of it's own. I do control the color, since it's leaning toward silver and gray when left to its own devices. So now, thanks to Performing Preference, it's Medium Amber Copper Brown.

Now the thinner part, I can control. And need to control. I went to my first Weight Watchers meeting tonight. Well, not really my first. I joined eight years ago and lost almost 30 pounds.

That is hard to fathom for me. I've always been the thin one. I've been 5'7" since probably about the first grade. For as long as I can remember, when we had to line up by height in grade school, it was always me in the back with the boys. And I was thin. In high school, I probably topped out at 119. My friend Charlie recently told me, "Yeah, we thought you were sick, you were so fucking thin."

My first response was, "Who the hell was 'we??' Was that the royal 'we?'"

My second thought was that even then, I always felt fat. I knew I was thin, but I always felt like I could be thinner. That didn't stop me from eating what I wanted. Oh, the metabolism of a 17 year old.

There was even a point when my dad thought I was bulimic because of how the end of meal time and my trips to the bathroom always seemed to be pretty close. I don't know why that was, but I don't like to throw up when I am sick and really have to, so I certainly wouldn't make myself on purpose. And, as I told him, if I were bulimic, I'm obviously not very good at it, since I'm still fat.

I was never fat. And I'm not fat now. I'm just bigger than I would like to be.

149.

That is what the scale said tonight. That is 6 pounds lighter than what I was when I first walked through the doors of Weight Watchers. It took from January to June, but I got down to 127. 128 is the lowest healthy weight for my height. So I grew up being about 10 pounds lighter than I should have been, still thinking I was fat. And, it's hilarious that even with ridiculously low blood pressure (to the point where a nurse actually asked me if I was still alive), I still passed every sports physical, and my doctor was never concerned that I was 10 pounds thinner than I should have been.

I want to lose 15 pounds. I'm not insane or unrealistic. I'm 37, and I doubt my body will get back down to 128. And to be honest, even when I was 30 and lost all that weight, it was so hard to keep it there. Like salad all the time, chicken with no skin and veggies all the time hard. I like my steak, and I like my wine. And I sometimes like to lean toward reality. So if I can get it down to 135, and fit into my pink Anthropologie skirt, and my paisley Banana Republic skirt again, well then that is all the reward I need.

(oh, and my 20 year reunion is next summer, and I want to show up looking AWESOME, and not sick)