What I am

I went to the doctor today. Not for anything wrong, just a checkup. But any trip to the doctor brings something to the forefront of my mind that is, usually, way in the back. Something I don't even think about for weeks at a time. It comes shooting forward when I am filling out the paperwork, and they ask about family history and whether or not my mom or my grandmother has had cancer or diabetes or heart disease.

I have no idea.

I really don't. And not just because Jan and Dick are tight-lipped. I am adopted.

It's not something I put on my business cards, but it's obviously not a secret. (And before you ask, I was an infant, and my sister was not adopted.)

So I wrote what I usually do on my paperwork. "I am adopted, so I have no idea." This was a new doctor, so we sat in her office while she looked through my "novel." She held up that paper and said that she actually sees that a lot. There was an option to get a series of blood tests and genetic testing. But my insurance won't cover it, and, as a rule, I don't volunteer for things that have to do with needles and blood.

I have no access to my medical history. By New York State law, those records are sealed. I did register with the state in order to maybe get non-identifying medical information. But I only get anything IF my birth parents or a sibling registers as well. IF. I did get the information that New York did have on file. It's a bit out of date, since it's 37 years old, but now I know where I get my allergies and big, curly hair.

I asked for non-identifying medical information, because I don't really want to know who they are. I am not looking for parents. I have parents. And a sister, and a whole family that is awesome and that I love very much. And I know they feel the same about me. Plus, I don't want to intrude on any one's life. And I don't want my life to turn into some crazy episode of Oprah.

There actually is a bill in the NYS Assembly and in the NYS Senate that, if passed, will allow adult adoptees access to their original birth certificate. Another IF. So, there would be a way I can find out my medical history. But I'd have to find out who they are, and I don't think I want to do that.

But I do want to know who I am. Or, at the very least, know what I should check off on all that paperwork.