A Little Bit of Boca

In honor of the last debate being in Boca Raton, I thought I would share one of my Boca stories. Every word is true.

One night, I went to an event at One Thousand Ocean in Boca. It's a fancy condo building right on the ocean. Yeah, it was  fancy. We were there to celebrate the Kleiers. They are a family of high-end real estate agents in NYC, but have been working to sell units in this Boca building. They also have a place there, and we wrote a feature about them for the magazine I worked for at the time. They were part of a reality show on HGTV called Selling New York, so they showed an episode having to deal with the Boca property.

So we were in the penthouse, amazing views, Botox, boobs, orange tans, the whole scene. There was a woman there, probably about my mom's age, probably older… who can tell with all the "work." She was wearing what I can only describe as a figure skating costume, in that it was see through except for sequins and sparkles in the "right" areas, so she could wear it and not be arrested for indecent exposure. Fake boobs. Fake tan. Real love for the bubbly. Lola took her picture. Here she is:

Any-who, after they showed the episode (and fed us yummy movie snacks!), I went to the ladies room. Now, this is the penthouse, but it's not really done yet, so they had some unisex bathrooms throughout. I went in, and locked the door (or so I thought). The lock was just a tiny button the size of a finishing nail next to the handle. I pushed it in as hard as I could. And so I got to the business at hand. I was just about finished when the door opens and there she is. Now, usually, in polite society, if you open a bathroom door, and someone is already using it, you say you're sorry and you shut the door. Well, Sparkles whipped that door right open and walked right in. She apologized and shut the door, but with her on my side instead of back out in the hall. Mind you, I was still...busy.

I quickly pulled myself together and finished up and then… I had to wash my hands, thinking she would let me go out. But NO, she just squatted over the toilet (no panties!!!). I was like, OH! OK! this is really happening… She was talking to me, but I just focused on washing my hands. Then I was trapped, because I couldn't whip the door open with her … The door did crack open (it was Lola), but of course since she was raised properly, she apologized and shut the door without barging right in. She didn't see me, as I was still washing my hands. 

Then… she finished, so I was like FREEDOM!! She holds out her hand (THAT SHE HAD JUST HAD TP IN), "Nice to meet you…"  I shook it as fast as I could and bolted. Lola was there, and of course was, "um WHY were you in there with her"… I shoved her in the next available bathroom to tell her the whole story (and to wash my hands again, because, ew!!!).

I mean really!!?!??! I have peed in front of a lot of people. I have shared the handicapped stall at the Northbound Junction with at least 3 or 4 other sorority sisters. But COME ON!!! You don't just walk in on a total stranger and do your business.

Lola said, "So I guess you two are sisters now."